A trusted adult becomes violent. What is familiar becomes threatening. Abuse leaves a child fearing and simultaneously depending on an adult. Often, the child also loves the abusive adult. The result is betrayal trauma.
The abused and helpless child cannot understand or process the resultant conflictual feelings. This leaves many survivors of abuse traumatized well into adulthood.
Childhood abuse is more frequent than is often assumed. The most commonly discussed forms of abuse are physical, emotional and sexual. However, neglect is also abusive, even if it is less obvious and often overlooked.
Abuse of whatever kind is violent and therefore traumatizing.
Abuse is often committed under the guise of benevolence or kindness. The abuse is thus silenced, and the truth distorted. Family members and friends are usually complicit in the silence and distortion of the truth. This can be as harmful as the abuse itself.
Forms of Abuse
The most openly accepted and discussed forms of abuse are sexual, physical and emotional. However, neglect is also considered to be abuse.
Sexual abuse is any kind of sexual advance made by an adult towards a defenceless child. It does not need to be physical. Sexual comments, grooming, and inappropriate eyeing are also abusive.
Physical abuse is any kind of deliberate or negligent physical damage inflicted on a child or teenager.
Emotional abuse in childhood occurs through manipulation, control, gaslighting or any other similar kind of damaging and hurtful behaviour.
Neglect is also considered to be abusive. This is a more silent kind of abuse, but just as harmful as the other kinds.
Being forced into the position of having to witness domestic violence is another form of abuse.
Victims of emotional abuse and neglect sometimes minimize the harmfulness of their experiences. However, it is important to understand that these kinds of abuse are just as damaging as sexual and physical abuse.
Therapy and Abuse
It is not easy to talk about abuse. Often, feelings of shame get in the way.
Psychotherapy offers a safe space to talk about and process painful feelings connected with abuse. Therapy will give you a greater understanding of how past abuse impacts on your daily life in the present. Part of this process is the increased ability to recognize flashbacks and triggers and to deal with these in a healthy manner.
Some survivors of abuse have the sense that a part of them has been lost. Grieving that part is another essential aspect of therapy.
Last but not least, we will discuss how to incorporate positive changes into your life. It’s always important not to abruptly step out of your comfort zone, and changes should therefore not be rushed in any way. A mindful and slow change in your life circumstances is just as important as the quality of those changes.
